It’s easy to love your lover when you feel you are being loved. When all is going well, what’s to fret about? When you first fell in love it was easy to show passion, excitement and pleasure. However, after time, the bloom tends to fall off the rose, the stress of life gets in the way and passion flies right out the window. Here’s a six-point plan to bring some of the excitement of new love back into your life.

1. Write in a journal for five days:
Take 20 minutes a day, five days in a row, always at the same time of day. Write anything, and write freely. For example: “I am exhausted.” “I’m angry.” “I’m sad, disappointed, fed up, stretched beyond my limits.” Create room in your brain for new and interesting thoughts, dreams and ideas.

2. Write three appreciations every day:  After five days of journaling, start writing “appreciations”: “I appreciate that the kids are healthy.” “I appreciate that somehow we were able to come up with the money for so-and-so.” “I appreciate that we are warm and well fed.” “I appreciate that my partner does that for me.”

3. Share your appreciations:  After three days of writing appreciations about your partner, find a few precious moments to share your appreciations with him or her. Little things are just fine: “I appreciate that you remembered to bring bread and milk home for dinner tonight (or a bottle of wine).” “I appreciate that you drove the kids to school.” “I appreciate that you filled the gas tank.” “I appreciate that you kissed me hello/good-bye.” Nothing is too silly or too simple.
It really isn’t very difficult. We all love to be seen and appreciated, even for the little things. And, if there are some big things, be sure to say them as well.

4. Ask for appreciations in return:  Give appreciations to your partner two days in a row, and on the third day, ask for appreciations back. It’s okay to teach your partner how to give appreciations if they seem a little bit stuck.
Let this little ritual become a habit, like brushing your teeth every morning. The hormonal shift when you play and laugh will surprise you both. Laughter creates laughter, which creates relaxation. This is turn helps get those hormones flowing, which can open the door for passion to walk back in. Let a little foolishness become a habit, just like the appreciations.

5. Set play dates together:
The big issues become a little more manageable when you feel the moment of connection through energetic playfulness. Maybe only for a moment at first, but those brief moments begin to add up over a short period of time. (See sidebar below for some ideas.)

6. Arrange a romantic adventure:
By the time you have given and received daily appreciations for a month and you have had regular “play dates,” you will feel ready to plan a Romantic Adventure. Make a list together of things you each find romantic. Pick one a week and make a date to do it together and don’t let anything stop you from going on that Romantic Adventure. Never end a Romantic Adventure without specific plans for the next one. This is about commitment. As you find yourself more and more committed, and feel your lover more and more committed, the hard times will soften a little.
This doesn’t bring an end to frustration and distress, but it sure does bring some hope: hope that life together can have some pleasure and the hard times can feel a bit more manageable.

That’s a silly idea

Here are some ways to put the “fun” back in “functional.”
>    Initiate a water gun fight.
>    Buy two cans of silly string (let the kids join in!) and have a “fight.”
>    Leave silly notes in unexpected places.
>    Watch a funny movie together. (If your partner finds a video funny and you don’t, try watching it from their point of view. Expand your idea of fun!)
>    Prepare a meal that doesn’t match—butter tarts, brie, and champagne.
>    Chase soap bubbles.
>    Take a bubble bath together and draw pictures on the foggy mirror.
>    Have a treasure hunt. Leave little clues here and there (on your voice mail, in the car, the freezer, in the cereal bowl) and end up with them in “secret” places on you!
>    Finger paint each other with chocolate pudding.
>    Take a shower with your clothes on and “help” each other out of those wet things!